Trepidation of Malady

With every waking day,
The happiness seems to be further at bay.
The promises once held,
The memories that once dwelled,
Seem to be swept under the rug,
And I feel weighed down and the exigency to lug-
My life, emotions, respect and love,
That now feel the hefty shove!
I fear facing myself, facing you,
I run in blindness along the berm, winding through.
I starve, I cringe, I trip, I dinge,
As I fall in the puddle and feel the excruciating twinge!
The more I try, the more the puddle swallows,
And I pretend like I intended to wallow.
We both hit the floor hard,
But you leap over, and I stay barred,
I try, but cannot match up to your pace,
You walk away, and I find myself out of place.
I sink, I fade, I forget, I wade,
But the incompetence only leads to remoter charade!
The tree of ambitions becomes broader in my sight,
But as it swells up, I’m weighed down by its might.
My failures pave way to disappointments,
Tarred in remorse and loneliness, dangerously poignant!
I’m upset, I’m angry, I’m charred, I’m cranky!
As my urge to conquer fades so rapidly.
The more the anchor drops,
The heavier my mask tops.
I stubbornly become more dependent,
In my quest of reclaiming my independence.
I earnestly pray to feel better,
To progress and lose my jitters.
I want to dust off my past,
And ride the present in full mast.
I fritter, I squirm, I hurt, I scream,
As I repeatedly cling on to my dreams,
This fear of sickness must go,
Or the less I’d trust myself to flow,
My confidence will stagger,
As I grow dismal and needier.
Panic will take over as the driving force,
And never will I be immune to my sickness’ coarse.

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