Lost

I’m lost,

Lost with time,

Lost in time,

Lost against time.

Happiness and despondency engulf me,

Coexisting concurrently.

 

I could never tell

What I really felt,

That’s not a lack of want,

That’s for my fear of taunt.

As time like a whirlwind passes,

An irreclaimable part of me also lapses.

 

I’ve lost myself,

Lost my self,

Lost against myself,

I feel good enough for none,

In this weave of worlds I’ve spun.

 

Even in laughter, I cry,

I’d smile even if I couldn’t try,

In this pretence, all I know is that,

It is all a lie impetuously distended flat.

I’m lost in expectations,

I’m lost with expectations,

I’m lost against expectations

I hold on too quick,

And letting go has never been my trick.

 

Awaiting promises to be fulfilled,

While cynically waiting for hopes to be killed,

Overwhelming culpability,

Loss of ability and humility

Consumed by futility.

 

I’ve lost my worth,

I’m lost in my lack of worth,

I’m lost in the forage of my worth,

That I can no longer find my mirth.

 

My heart breaks a thousand times,

Despite everything seemingly looking fine.

I hide behind my sham

Living a lie, a blatant scam.

 

I ad nauseam forgive and forget,

I underestimate my net.

Despite being wronged and aggrieved.

Because I fear solitude and being cleaved.

 

Why was my light stolen from my soul?

Where can I find all that I’ve lost?

Where can I find saps to soothe the frost?

I don’t want to feel anymore,

Because all I have is pain in store.