Excavations, evaluations, escalations,
Observations, classifications, all to find explanations,
Of why my brain is wired,
The way it is, or how I acquired.
It was easy to find nothing wrong,
While my brain danced to its own song.
As I repeatedly churned and mourned,
I was only scorned.
It was easy to say “Just move on”,
“Time to dance to a new song”,
“Put on your dancing shoes and hop along”,
For, to the world, I was just not enough strong.
With the picture so “apparently” rosy and bright,
With my exhibitions of unreasonable outlook, so uptight,
Situations took it upon themselves to evolve,
Into more wound up affairs, as the earth revolved;
For, I had to throw myself into more arduous battles,
Into more taxing currents, across which I had to paddle,
Because, “apparently”, I’ve had it too easy,
And my life story is still a bit too breezy.
So I tell myself, it’s time to be numb,
The heart is just a bleeding organ, so dumb!
It cannot hold memories, good or not,
It’s just a mere, harrowing muscle that rots.
I tell myself, if it cannot help me go back to the pictures,
Of once, so beatifically written scriptures,
Of things that once felt so warm and good,
Of the bosky arbours, under which I stood,
Then maybe it’s just best to be numb,
So I at least don’t have to succumb.
And I can forget everything, the good and the bad,
And in my amnesic state, be glad.
For then I cannot say that I’ve felt better or worse,
When I’m numb to everything, whether or not adverse!